Gave it up....

Well, I gave it up and turned it over to God. I had to let go because I was so obsessed with not having her. I had to realize that it was out of my control. There was nothing I could do but try to find the Birth Mom and that was a loss.

So now I am off to getting my mind set on other things I need to get done, or start doing for myself. Don't get me wrong... I still think of her.... just not with that sick feeling in my stomach any more. It doesn't do anyone involved any good for me to worry and make myself sick over it. I am a born worrier, so I knew I had to let it go and let it rest.

I think the agency probably thinks I am a nut case by now... but ya know... when you fall in love with a child, you will get excited and emotional.

Ahhhh.... so even though I am letting go... it isn't all the way as I still have her in mind. But have to put that wall up. It is only to protect myself.