My angel Bailey Bear....

Well, it has taken several days to be able to post anything about my beloved pet, companion and baby girl Bailey. We had to put her down on the 9th of December. My heart was crushed and was so heavy with sorrow. She was my angel and she was the love of my life. She meant more to me than anyone else did. I mean that in a very different way than how you feel about a human being. Humans can me mean, dishonest, and down right not something you always love every second of the day. A pet's love is the most unconditional love I have ever felt or given to something. Even writting this I feel a sickness up high in my tummy.... and it must be my heart just aching for her. I know all of our destiny is to die. I have heard it a million times and although so true for us all... I still cannot accept why. It is something no one can accept, or wants to accept. Anyone with a heart at least. Many times many loved ones are taken away too soon... and it hurts our hearts with tremendous pressure and pain. It is sickening and down right the sadest thing that we can experience. People keep saying... enjoy the good times you had.... but I cannot, I still want to keep having them. Some people might even think our love for each other was sick.... but I was her mother and she was my baby. I protected her like a momma bear does with her cubs. I loved every inch of her and when she licked my face all over all the time (especially when I came home from work) I just melted inside always like it was the first kiss she had ever given me. We had a great love affair; I call it. She was my rock and I was hers. It wasn't strange to me. She slept up against me every night for 12 yrs and now that she is gone, I have a teddy bear I put up against me under the covers so that I can sleep. I never thought a person could love a pet so much and I never knew a pet could love a human so much. She let me hug her, hold her, kiss her all over... and she always returned it all back to me. She never wanted away from me when I smothered her with love. She just wanted more of it.
I also sleep with her booda bear that she used to play with and I feel so warm and cozy wraping those things around me. OH! and a tshirt she most recently wore so I could smell her.

From the first day I got her, I knew she was mine.... we bonded instantly.... and she knew I was her mommy. I do not care how strange people may think I am about her. She was my everything, my life companion and it really sucks that dogs do not live longer than they do. She was there with me through it all. From kissing off all the tears that fell upon my cheeks, to every exciting time we shared together. Now that she is gone, I feel a great loss.... so much so I have to be medicated to get thru this rough time. I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach right now even and I don't think my heart could ever hurt any more than it has in the past several days.

On the day of the 9th, our wonderful Vet, Dr Neiman, Sedated her, and let me and David spend some time with her. Then he came in with that shot. The end all shot. After, I turned upside down like a baby in my arms and kissed her all over. I DID NOT WANT TO LET HER GO.... I had no peace about it. I just wanted her forever with me.

I hope she is with my Grandma, and I hope she isn't hugging her too tight like she used to try to... and I hope they are keeping each other comfortable and with lots of love.

I miss you Bailey Bear. My angel forever. I LOVE YOU.