Greater than carpet.

I finally have the guts to write something after Bailey's death without crying. I am so heart broken... and have a sense of insecurity that I haven't really felt before. I realized today on the way to work that this comes from Bailey being gone. I no longer have anyone that needs me and loves me unconditionally. I agree that only a pet's love is ever unconditional a human's is only transitional.

The feeling of not having her here to "need me" to take care of her and love her. I miss that so much. I kinda feel lost without her. I am very clingy and uneasy without her. It is so strange.

I am hoping that I will get that from adopting a child. I need to feel that. In a way deep down I think everyone needs to be needed. Grief is a lot to swallow... and a lot to deal with. It makes you feel like a different person and I KNOW it makes you not the person you used to be. So I guess she was kinda like having a child, one that is needy for you for just about everything. I love to be needed... and I didn't realize just how much that would effect me. But I am so glad I realized it on the way to work today. I was starting to think things were going down hill fast and I didn't know how to stop it. Now I know... it is good to be needed, and I hope I am needed again someday... REAL SOON! :o) God only knows how my heart aches for her. Now I am scared everyone is going to leave me. I hate this broken feeling in my gut. It is so terrible.

My dentist wanted to give me info on getting in touch with his yorkie breeder... and I just can't yet. I don't think I can.... even though people keep telling me I will. No other dog can replace her. I know that is a fact. So if you are reading this, and you sometimes get upset at your pet, or friend or spouse.... realize how much it is nice to be needed... and if that need was taken away you would want it back in an instant. I would clean up pee off the carpet from her accidents in a heart beat with no complaints. I am sooo happy I do not have guilt from getting mad at her, because it was very very rare I got mad at her for it. My love for her was always greater than the carpet and for that I am thankful!