Well, Easter is this weekend and we have no idea what we are doing. This will be fun, just got to find the right thing to do. Emmy is so cute! She told me I was her everything and that she thinks I am the sweetest Mommy in the whole world. Do you think she will feel that way at age 10, or age 12.... I hope so, but I doubt it. LOL! She asks so many questions. Questions that you would think an older child would ask. She seems to very content with being adopted. That is my biggest fear, so I write about it a lot. I do not want her to have many struggles with that. Kindergarten starts in 4 months, and I am so nervous. She doesn't seem nervous, she seems ready and excited. So I really hope that she is and that there isn't took much confusion about it. We are also looking into Gymnastics. She seems interested. She also said she wants to take Piano Lessons but that isn't suggested to start until age 7. She started soccer in the spring and takes ballet at her pre-school. I really look forward to her recital in May! Well, not much more to say, I just wanted to blog as it seems we are so busy these days, there isn't a lot of chances to stop to do this. I know Emmy will want to read this some day... it started out for me, and is now for her!

Well, It has indeed been a long time with no posts. This is due to a few things. One, we now have a very active 4 year old who is involved in Soccer and is about to be in Kindergarten. With all of that, 2012 into 2013 was rough. Uncle B got a divorce. With that said, it has turned this whole family upside down and sideways to say the least. I am glad I wasn't blogging during that time or this post would have turned into a huge venting tool which would have gotten me off the main focus of this blog and why I started it to begin with. It started off with me having trouble getting pregnant, and now is an EMMY blog! YAY! There are probably many accomplishments and milestones I have left out, but I did want to touch base on her Tummy Mommy. In the last year, year and a half she has left Moe, started dating her boss and got pregnant. She now has a little girl named Kaylee and I think Kaylee is now around 1'ish. In fact Katherine is now engaged. This man seems very nice and he is much older, which I think is a good thing. I have watched her blossom over the past year into a mature young mother. Her two oldest kids seem much much happier. I think she is happier having a new baby as well. Of course this baby did not take Emmy's place at all! But I think it helped Katherine to move forward and stop dwelling so much about negative aspects of her past. She is very content in seeing Emmy grow up on the social media Facebook. Even though she doesn't seem as involved with Emmy, I think there is a moment that she has realized that Emmy needs to be focused in one direction right now at such a young age. I know that dwelling on a child she has given up for adoption does nothing but keep her from progressing and having a happy life, in which she deserves. Even though they do not have a lot, they have way more than she did with Moe. She is happy, and that is all that matters. I struggle with some of the questions Emmy already has about her Tummy Mommy. I just never knew that some of the questions she has had would come up so early. I love that Emmy knows she is adopted and knows she can come to me and ask me any questions she wants to. There is no bad question or right question. As an adopted parent, I want her to know we are her Mommy and Daddy and we are giving her much more in life and more love than she can handle at times. By now I feel like I gave birth to her myself. She has become that type of part of me... without discounting Katherine. Emmy has become a child with a big heart and is very compassionate in general about life. She has great empathy for others and I was told by one of her teachers in pre-school that she is the most loving child she has ever met. With that said, oh lord.... when she gets her heart broken in whatever way someday, that is going to kill me. I am learning that children are mean to each other. Emmy just loves all people. She actually tells me that. I cannot imagine a happier child with such a great childhood. She brightens my world and keeps me alive inside. Many blessings indeed!

41with an almost 3year old....

It's been awhile since I posted anything. As much as I wish I would continue doing it everyday like I used to, these days I am good to get to bed and get a few hours of sleep. It isn't easy being 41 chasing a 3yr old around. But I enjoy it soooo much more than I would have at 25. I cherish everything she does, says and all of the sweet moments we have together as a family. Looking back, life was never as I planned in my mind. Growing up I wanted to marry my asshole boyfriend of 6yrs, and I wanted kids by age 22. Later, I was 27 and telling another boy I would be married before i turned 30 with at least one kiddo. Next thing you know, I was 34, getting married on a beach in Mexico and not even knowing if kids were in the picture for me, but I never thought it would be because I couldn't have kids. Now, I am married, to a "nice guy" and have a beautiful daughter that we adopted that I couldn't even imagine being without. Ya know, I am not much of a country music fan like I was in my 20's... But Garth Brooks, "unanswered prayer" really says it all. Thank god!

Age 2

at 25 months she is already pedaling her tricycle.... steering it and going up and down the sidewalk. She says her ABC's and can count to 20 now... at 27 months. She has been dressing herself since age 1 1/2 and she has been putting on her shoes herself for longer than that. She is catching on to most all things way early. I hope it is a sign that she will do well in school. She has been day time potty trained for 5 months now, and can sleep through a 3 hour nap without going. Over night... longer than 3 hours she doesnt do so well... but not expected to. We have been having a hard time getting her to go to sleep at night, so we put a third nightlight in her room and are now leaving the hall light on. Tonight I set her up with her lantern and some books and she is back there pretending to read outloud to herself. I hope this works as it has been taking two hours for her to fall asleep. So we are stopping the rocking and letting her read and hopefully fall asleep on her own. fingers crossed because I am exhausted! She is sweeter than ever. Hugging and kissing us all the time. Telling us she misses us and loves us : I love u Daddy"! I walked in from work tonight and she hugged me and said " I missed you Mommy"! Priceless! Okay... going to stop typing. But trying to log her achievements more!

Emmy Lu!

As always... I get frustrated I am not blogging more often as she does so many new things all of the time! So I best start remembering some of them and get them documented. She really has grown up since becoming 2 yrs old. She went from not talking well.... enough for me to worry a tad. To now talking really well. I think in no time, she will be holding full conversations with us. It's amazing how much she has learned in the last two months. The past two months she has started saying 3 to 4 word sentences... fully dressing herself. She is now fully potty trained during the day, and as of the past month, she can sing her ABC's, and count to 12! That is amazing at this age. She is like a dry sponge soaking up everything in its path! She is sooo eager to learn and normally learns it once and never forgets! She is doing things 3 and 4 yr olds are just learning! She loves her Mommy n Daddy and is always hugging and kissing us all of the time. She is sweet... and very caring. She rocks her babydoll, sings to her, reads her books and puts her to bed. She will come out of the bedroom and say "shhh!" to us over and over so we do not wake up baby! Daddy taught her to ride her tricycle in the past 2-3 weeks and she picked up pedaling and steering quite fast. She is a smart little girl, and I hope that continues through her life of being in school. Hope she is always eager to learn and be the best that she can be! We have changed our way of parenting with her so that it best fits with her strong-willed personality. Daddy went and got books and we have been reading up on it so that we can learn how to parent her better. And using some of the tools in the past two weeks there is less crying, whining and pure meanness! We have learned spanking, yelling is not how to parent a strong willed child. We have learned respect and lots n lots of patience. Afterall, no parent is perfect either, but we can all research and do what is necessarily best for our children. And I am so glad we both do that for her.

Some of her words that I enjoy hearing:
meow: "me mau"
seven: "seben"
"w": "dubadoo"
Lake: "yayck"
Uncle B: "um B" or sometimes "BB"
Braden: "bayden"
Hunter: "unner"
Charlotte: "sarlet"

Sayings:
"NO Daddy" Pointing her finger
"MY Daddy" My Mommy"
NO NO MOMMY!
"1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,10"
Favorite song is "row row row ur boat".
Favorite book for Halloween is " shake dem bones now hip hop halloween BAAALLLLLL" scoobedooowah....yeah!"
Barney is her favorite TV show.
She sings, row row row ur boat, u r my sunshine, wheels on the bus, twinkle little star, rocka by baby,moon moon moon, humptydumpty.
She has also really gotten into coloring lately and is doing well in school with that. She is very social. She loves playing with other kids and always has. Seems to be happy ALL of the time. Always smiling! Loves posing for the camera.

As I always say... I will try to blog things as they come.. but I know I have really missed out on blogging a lot of things she has done or said. :o( always happens outta the blue. Another thing I want to get on tape is her singing. She LOVES to sing songs. Everynight we read three books, pray and sing songs while rocking. She is growing up too fast!

Tummy Mommy

Well, for prob. the 4th time, Katherine and Moe have broken up. As she told me, due to DWI and other charges she didnt tell me about. Because of this she got evicted from their apartment and again had to move the kiddos back in with her Mom. Along with documenting Emmy, I am also every now in then documenting her Tummy Mommy because I know she will be curious in knowing about her life as well and not just hers. Katherine still just doesnt have her feet on the ground, how could she... she is 22 with a 7 yr old and a 5 yr old. Too young to have to deal with growing up that fast. But she has made due with it and I believe is a good Mom. But of course I am not there to really know for sure. I can only imagine all the things that she doesnt tell me. For that I almost do not want to know. I am just happy she is away from Moe. He will never change. He has proven that time and time again. Abusive, verbally and physically is NOT a good environment for those kids. And I am so glad Emmy isnt around that. We pray she pulls herself together and becomes the outstanding young women that we know she can be. Sometimes when people do not even know better, they just don't know what strive for. All we can do is tell her how smart and how much potential she really has. She told me she is now dating a 43 yr old.! UGH! WAYYYY tooo old for her. But I have no control over that. She is such a sweet person, but that is the side I know. I think there is more personality in her,, and a wild side she never shows us. And that is fine. I have been there done that. Maybe even there is a dark side to her. But I do not want to know that. I like knowing the sweet Katherine that I wish was my daughter as well. I love her unconditionally and only wish the very best for her! We love you Katherine! ALL OF US!

Blogging

I wait entirely too long to post on here! I am so mad about it because I want to make sure that I am posting all of her accomplishments, and funny things she says. Her uncle B is going through a rough time. His wife is leaving him for another man... and it has been rough. But he is stronger now. I was upset. VERY! But I have since calmed down and just want what is best for him. Seeing him now he already seems happier.... just like he didnt know he had been unhappy for so long, he doesnt know he is happy yet. At least not how I can see it from the outside looking in. He wrecked his car. UGH... I cannot wait until we can look back on this and laugh. Emmy loves her Uncle B! SOOOO SWEET!
Anyway, Emmy has been a hoot. The potty training is going so well... and she is starting to talk more and more... and I am afraid she is going to be a chatty cathy... LOL! LOVE IT! She is such a girly girl! LOVES playing pretend with her doll house. SOOOO cute. "Mommy pay" "MMM.. Pay Mommy" This is how she says Wanna play mommy. She will say "whass dat" to everything.. I tell her and she will answer with "OOHHh" She says some funny things!

Also, need to post that Katherine has gotten an apt. with Moe and they seem to be doing good. We met her in Ft Worth. First time in over a year And I let her just hold her and walk around with her. IT was very sweet! I love Katherine... and I hope it always stays that way between us. I know she wishes she could raise Emmy... but I also know it would be too hard for her money wise and because of that whole situation. She is going to counseling which has helped her to be able to see Emmy and to be happy with the whole situation. She seems content! I am glad about that! I want Emmy to have her in her life.... so hopefully we will keep doing these meetings once or twice a year. Emmy seems like the happiest kiddo I know! Always smiling and always playing... FULL OF ENERGY! But she is doing well. Exceling at everything she does. She did gymnastics this past weekend and loved it but was very distracted in the gym! UGH!
She will get there though. She is soo hyper... and full of energy that it almost bursts out of her. WEll... I need to go to bed. I am tired... and need to stop staying up so late.

Katherine

Oh yes, Emmy's tummy Mommy. She is 22 now, and is still in her party mode of course at that age, who wouldnt be. She had to move back in with Izzy and Kasen's Daddy to try to see if they could work it out. Evidently it isnt working out as I have gotten tons of texts from her and a couple of phone calls needing to talk about how bad it has been getting. Evidently he has a drinking problem which leads him to be abusive mentally, and physically.. even though she doesnt tell me the details... I can hear it in her voice that it is probably worse than she is leading on. I remember Felicia telling me that she was covered in bruises on her legs and arms at one point... in which she stated that she bruises easily.... She told me she was going to move out last oct. or Nov... and that she would leave him without him knowing. She has recently gotten back together with Jeremy, her old boyfriend she used to have when her ex was in prison for stealing a car. It was a felony of course. Her baby's daddy doesnt know about him so I have been worrying that he will find out and hurt ber badly. I have offered to help find her donated items as far as furniture for when she does actually move. She called me about 3 weeks ago and said that she finally had enough money saved up to move out, and I told her I would get her some things... but that she had to tell me for sure so that I was holding items in the garage as storage. We do not have the room for that and I dont think David would appreciate that as well. I havent heard from her, although I have sent the newest modeling photo's of Emmy. She loves them... but as I look onto her Facebook page, she is partying and going on with her life. Sometimes I think I almost make her want to be a part of Emmy's life, and I prob. shouldnt force it. I can only imagine how torturous it is for her as she prob. wants to see her but knows it would be too hard on her at the same time. She is letting go more and more as the months go by. I know it hurts her... but as young as she is I think it hurts her when she is alone, or having difficult times... it makes her think of Emmy. She went thru such a rough time with all of that,. and I am sure it has scared her for life. At the same time, drinking with friends and whatever else she does seems to be getting her by in life. Just as I did when I was her age. (drinking that is) But she has two little ones... Kasen 5 and Izzy almost 4. And I am not sure that they live with her. I almost wonder if they live with her Mom full time and she goes over there to visit.... but I am not sure. She did ask me for winter clothes for the kids, and I havent yet sent them. I think I will get summer clothes instead, as the summer seems to last longer.. and they will prob. need them. We still call her Journey to Katherine, as I never wanted to hurt her feelings with that. Emmy fits her more appropriately and Journey seems to remind me of the terrible time Katherine had with that whole situation. Emmalyn is so much more appropriate for my little angel. Today we went shopping and got a few more outfits and a pair of shoes, and some hair accessories. She loves to shop and loves getting new outfits to show off. We went and ate Mexican food and then had frozen yogurt with Nana and Papa. Tonight I did rock her to sleep while rubbing her back, hands and feet, which she loves!!! She is the sweetest little angel on earth! Thank heaven for little girls... thank God for Emmy!

First words...

"Momma", "DaDa" of coarse... then "no" with robust attitude! "were eh go?" "letmedo". "hunter", "braden", "papa", "nana". "I Love", "bird", "bye bye", "hi", "Tanku", "hot", and prob more, as I keep forgetting to write it all down. She mainly has picked up on what we are saying at about 10 - 11 months she was almost fully understanding everything we were saying to her. She more so can point what things are when you ask her... either in books or in the room, or outside. We have been told that she is very advanced for her age. I think she is so determined to do things and to be independant that it is why she is so advanced.

She loves to play with aunt Kristy's daughter Alexa. They hug and kiss and play chase, and dolls and fight and jump and climb all over the place... but the best is when they lay on the bed and giggle. It's sooo cute. Emmy is such a little girly girl. Very sassy and LOVES shoes! She twurls around in her outfits, and was taking her socks off at 15 months and putting them back on. She also can get her shoes on sometimes. She is a very determined little girl. So far she likes everything to be nice and neat... as far as when she puts her toys away. She climbs all over everything, and when she falls, she crys.... but she doesnt learn her lesson... she gets up and does it again and again! She minds Daddy more than me right now, and I think it has something to do with her being home with me all of the time. She is a hugger and kisser. She blows kisses bye bye to everyone. She doesnt meet a stranger. LOVES to play with kids. She smiles all of the time. Very onery, and very sneaky at times. She loves her Nana and Papa.... Papa of coarse is her buddy as long as he carry's her everywhere. She is in a big whining stage, which drives us crazy.... but it comes with having a girl I am sure. She is very dramatic, and always always on the move. She is now close to 19 months and uses her paci.... in which the Dr. told us today to take it away cold turkey.... so we are still debating on which weekend we want to torture ourselves. As of right now she is crying in her bed... wanting to not go to sleep at 10PM! Sometimes she does this but most of the time she goes to bed very well. Her nose is congested, and she had her 18 mo shots today so she is prob. very uncomfortable. Poor baby. David and I were talking today about how lucky we are and blessed we are to be her parents. She is such a joy, and so much fun to have around. She has brightened our whole lives and for that we are forever grateful.

Adoption day, Nov. 5, 2010

Finally, the day was vastly aproaching and I had a lot to do... I got her adoption dress sewn out of her great grandmothers crocheted pillowcase, her shoes matched and were cream in color and crocheted as well. She wore light pink tights and Nana crocheted her headband with a large crocheted hot pink flower on it to match her dress. When we got to the court house, it was cool and the wind was blowing hard. I didnt realize it, but I was very nervous. We had to walk through a screening with the guards and have our purses and wallets checked. At the end of the line Linda handed me a wallet thinking it was davids and I placed it inside of my purse not even looking to make sure it was really his. Later I found that it wasnt his and linda picked up someonelses wallet.. LOL! I then realized I was a nervous wreck. I was shaking, and very out of it. We had a lot of family show up for this special day: NANA & PAPA, UNCLE B AND AUNT JC, COUSIN BRADEN AND HUNTER, GRANDPA BECKY CAME FROM NORTH CAROLINA, AUNT BRANDI CAME FROM CALIFORNIA, POP POP, LINDA, AUNT MELANIE(MOMMY'S BEST FRIEND)flew in from Alabama, PATRICK(DADDY'S BEST FRIEND), GREAT GRANDPA JERRY, AUNT LINDY. We counseled with our attorney Christie, and found out that I would be the one talking as I have been the one to have total contact with emmys tummy mommy, katherine. I really got nervous then. once we got called in, we walked in and sat down with several other cases..; mostly consisting of divorces. so it was kinda tense in there. It was cold, and very quiet. We were the first ones called, thank God... and we stood in front of the judge and I was asked questions by Christie that I was to answer YES to. Then I found out that Christie had another file mixed in with ours. I was astonished and paniced. but didnt know what to think... was all of OUR stuff in there??? whew... finally found out that yes all of Emmy's stuff was inside the file and all was good again. The judge was cold.. never making eye contact... wasnt friendly at all. He went thru all of the paper work finding Daddy's felony that was reduced down to a misdeamenor for excessive speeding on a motorscycle. We started panicing again.... talking about it in front of everyone.. and seemed to not be happy about it. I could feel my knees buckle... and remember shooting a really nasty look at daddy while he was holding Emmy.... I was sooo mad! This could keep us from adopting her. Never mind... he said it was a long time ago and WHEW.... it was a huge relief. We finally got the adoption granted and her name changed from: Journey Katherine Kindred, to Emmalyn Mae Journey Hitchings. It was finally over..... we took a fast picture with the judge... and he commented that this was the only good thing that they ever see in their court room that is fun and good to see happen. We went out of the court room and I balled like a baby! I couldnt stop crying. It was like a load of bricks were lifted off my shoulders... and all of those bad times, trials and tribulations all came to an end at that very moment. I was so happy to be officially Emmy's Mommy... and David to be her Daddy! Daddy hugged me tight for a long time and we both cried!!!! We love you Emmy Mae Journey soooooo much! You are ours as if we created you and gave birth to you ourselves.... nothing will ever take that away from us... and you are now our forever Daughter that we will cherish and never miss one single part of your life forever. We love you Emmy! We LOVE YOU!!!!!! so unconditionally, and soooo forever! I remember when I first laid eyes on you at 4 months old... and I said " that is MY baby... that is OUR baby!!!!! I new from the moment I saw you that you were meant to be with us as your family. I fought hard for you, and it paid off. I got my precious angel and will forever be grateful, loved and a very proud Mommy!

bad mom

I feel terrible I havent blogged in sooo long.... I need to keeps this up to date so I can log all of her accomplishments and funny times we have been having. I will try to reflect back, going back to the adoption day, and days leading up to that date.

I forgot about the shots....thank GOD for comfort food!

Well, I forgot to mention the shots, although I would like to forget that time altogether.  The foster parents were late with her shots.  In fact the whole 9 months they had her they took her to the Dr. only three times.  I have done double that in 1.5 months. 

Well, I didn't know much about them getting shots except for A) it will hurt and B) they won't feel good after.(assuming that meant cranky and sleepy for a day.)

She was behind and had to get six shots ....  SIX SHOTS!  That's a lot for a youngster, but I was told by a few Dr. that doing them all at once is better than them catching one of the diseases... so we did it.

OH BOY... She is tough!  She did look at me in horror and said MOMMA MOMMA MOMMA and I wanted to slap the nurse and run out the door with her.  I did good too... until we got in the car... I cried like a baby... it was so emotional and exhausting trying to keep my cool.  I wanted to drive her to get ice cream but decided I didn't want to start the whole... comfort food when you are hurt or said deal... so I got myself the comfort food and we went home..(LOL,, I am already exposed to that so what the heck!).

She seemed fine, took a nap and when she got up she was sicker than a dog... I mean scary sick...  Moaning and laying on me not moving.  Her fever was high and I was scared to death.  We took her to after hours care and they gave her a stronger dose of Tylenol and we waited it out... over 24 hours of miserable sickness for her.  It was awful.  I hate the whole " let it runs in coarse thing "... that is just terrible.  Luckily they won't remember it when they get older.  that is the only thing going for us Mom's!

She got over it... but has to get 1 more extra shot the next two times to finish getting us caught up!  I dread it.  Next month too!  UGH!  This time we will wait until after her Birthday so she can actually have a good time!

I will say this... she is tough.  At this age at least.  she barely cried.  Just a somber quite cry and a couple of tears.  That is more than I can say for me... it was horrifying!  I wanted to call that stupid foster Mother in the middle of the night and chew her out SO badly.....  This is all her fault and that is who gets the blame for all of this!!

Thank God for comfort food....   

PARTY!

Emmy went to a girl birthday party, her cousin Alexa.  She had a blast.  She played for 2 hours and had a great time.  She ate cake and helped Alexa open some of her presents.  Emmy gave Alexa a doll, a book and the Candy Land game.  Alexa's party was pink and orange and full of candy, cakes and balloons.  Alexa turned "2"!

So cute how Alexa and Emmy hug, kiss and hold hands.  Alexa is already mothering at age 2!  soooo sweet!

Emmy got to meet her great, great uncle Jack and Aunt Bettie and also great uncle Jerry .  Of course she was a wiggle worm and was always right in the middle of the action. 

Boy did she sleep good last night.....  She fell asleep in the car on the way home, had a bottle, bath and books and didn't hesitate to lay in her crib and fall fast asleep.

Daddy on the other handle wasn't sure about all the kids....  he wanted to go and then realized this is a house full of kids running every where... LOL  I told him to get ready.... we have many more of these and I cannot wait to get into a house to accommodate lots of children and family for Emmy's parties.  until then we will have them elsewhere as we definitely aren't kid proofed or have the room to do so.  Oh Daddy...  was funny and not sure about all of those kids!  I loved it!  Get ready daddy... it's going to be an adventurous exhausting time!

I can't wait!

10 Month Check up...

When we got her her weight was 12 lbs. and she was -2 in weight percentage

10 month check up she was 17 lbs. and now 3% in weight, 33 inches long
Her height was 46% (Normal)
and her head was 33% (normal)

We are making progress slowly but surely. The Dr. said he expects her to catch up by 12-18 months.

Don't let the size fool you... she is bigger than life in that small package!

Emmy... Journey.....Bailey...... What's in the name here....

Well, it is kinda strange how the names stick.... I couldn't figure out for the life of me why I kept calling her different things. The name thing is so confusing. More and more each day the name Emmy fits her. Although sometimes when I am a little angry with her I call her Bailey...... probably because I was so used to yelling "Bailey" when Bailey would pee on the carpet once again.... Then there is the mix up of Journey and Emmy all of the time. Daddy was calling her Journey, Mommy was calling her Emmy... and it was confusing as heck. I let it rest. I never wanted to discourage anyone from calling her what they felt they wanted to call her. But I think in all of our hearts... Emmy is the name that feels right. Journey is great, it has so much meaning... but the Journey is over and life has begun. We won't close the book, but we sure of heck have turned the page to a beautiful beginning. I usually call her Emmy when she is being silly... or laughing because after all.... that is what was great about Grandma! She was always silly or laughing and smiling and I think that is why Emmy fits her so well. When she is chatting a lot, and talking to the TV, cookie monster or me... I call her Emmy Mae..... which reminds me of Grandma Lola..... LOL.

She has such a great name... wonder what she will want to be called when she is older......

First words..... in order:

Da Da at 36 weeks
Papa
Hi
Momma
Nana
Okay

She really catches on fast. She also is very very mischievous. Very ornery and very cute! There is a sweet smile that will light you on fire with warmth. She is such a sweetie!

She started walking at 10 months by herself, but she walked and took five steps between Mommy and Daddy at 9 months.

Her latest thing is to shake her head no back and forth several times with a big smile on her face. It's VERY cute! Aunt Lindy taught her to rock... bobbing her head forward and now she does that to music, although her first sign of rhythm was with her arms..... up in the air. She also at nine months would throw both hands up in the air and say YAY!

At 10 months she is clapping on her own and loves patty-cake and itzy=bitzy spider!
She loves giving kisses with her mouth wide open. She won't hesitate to give you 2-3 in a row either.

This morning I told her " you forgot to give mommy a kiss good morning". She dropped her toy and took her paci outta her mouth fast and gave me a kiss.... three times and put her paci back in her mouth. She is such a joy to have around. It's like living for the first time!

OKAY!

I should have written sooner... although I have been a very busy "new" Mommy! YES.... after all the heart wrenching years, FINALLY a Mommy at last! It has been a roller coaster(this time a good worth while one!) Okay let me start off from where I left off.

On Tuesday April 13th we met Katherine AKA Tummy Mommy at the attorney's office. Little did she know we were watching out the window as my friend Felicia drove and parked in the parking lot at the attorney's office. All we saw was Felicia coming around to the other side, jumped in and was obviously holding Katherine. It was hard for her.... and I am actually glad it was because if it weren't then I would know she didn't care about Emmy. I wanted to always know she had a heart and was a good person. That she cared so much for Emmy that she had to let her go to have a better life. I knew for many other reasons how extra hard this was on her. I wasn't like other's.... my main concern was Katherine. I wanted her to feel safe and secure about this. If she didn't... I wanted her to take Emmy and try for a good life with her. Although I knew deep in my heart that wasn't going to be. I went outside the attorney's office and waiting for her to come up the elevator with Journey (AKA EMMY). I wanted to make sure she was sure about this before she met Nana and Papa and before even seeing the inside of the attorney's office. THANK GOD the attorneys office was very nice and the two attorney's one of which was Aunt Melanie's good friend and someone I knew well, but Kristy was so sweet and down to earth. She had a good heart, not like what you would normally think about an attorney's office. aunt Kristi was there taking beautiful pictures of the whole thing... being careful not to overwhelm Katherine...she did a superb job of it all. Taking the most delicarte pictures of such an emotional day. Katherine came around the corner and I just hugged her. At that moment I wanted to adopt her too! I wish we were so rich we could have. Even though I knew it would be somewhat of a risk. I love that girl and I really hope she stays involved somehow in Emmy's life. I know it is hard for her. It isn't for me. I have no jealous or greedy feelings about it. I am Mommy and she is Tummy Mommy. Basically she has two Mommy's and I will never to anything to change that. Only Katherine can change that within Emmy, it isn't my business or place to stand in the way, nor would I ever want to.

We went inside... I asked family to step out along with David and I. I wanted Katherine to hear all the negative in doing this. That there will be no written statement that it is an open adoption. that once she signs her rights away, it is forever. All of the harsh words came down on her like being locked away forever. I knew this would be tough once she heard it soberly, and bluntly from the attorney's lips. I wanted her to do what she felt... not what she thought "we" wanted. So we waited patiently. The attorney (Kristy) left the room and we let Katherine and Felicia talk it through so that Katherine understood the meaning of this. Letting go of her rights forever. Later Katherine came out and handed Emmy to me and said " I want you to be the Mother of Journey and raise her". My heart fluttered with sadness for her and my heart broke inside as well. This isn't about me... this is about Journey...Emmy.... having a good life... but her Mom letting her go because she loved her so much. Bless Katherine... she didn't know if we were lying to her that we would always stay in touch... and were just going to run off for her to never hear about her again. She was so brave. She did such a selfless thing and let her go to a better home and give her a life that she couldnt give her. It was touching ... sad and happiness rolled into one. I put the happiness in the back of my heart and focused on Katherine. That was my main focus and all of my worries! I loved her like a daughter after all the prior communication and support her and I gave each other. (through this Journey). It was a happy time... and a very hard time for Katherine. It just tore out my heart... I cried with her. Once the papers were notorized... we hugged each other with everyone watching. I held her sooo tight. I literally wanted to pick her up and rock her in my arms. She held Journey so tight. Gave her to David and we held each other more. I LOVE her with every part of me. She is so strong and I look up to her for that. If ANYONE would ever say anything about her in a negative way I would lash into them. THAT will be forever! She is family... and now legally! :o)

deep breath.... we walked out and of course hugged some more and then we all went to lunch at Mi Cocina. Except Emmy... Nana, Papa, and Daddy. Yea... Daddy and Mommy is what we are now... (proudly) I got the baby I wanted from the minute I sat eyes on her. I fell in love with her so fast it would make your head spin. I loved her from head to toe as if she was meant for me fomr day one...... (the christmas party)

We went to the restaurant and it was a little tense. Not in a bad way but I think we were all so exhausted emotionally. We all had a margarita and relaxed ..."some". Aunt Jenifer wanted to meet her so we stayed until she could get there with Braden and Hunter. She was so excited to meet Katherine. Later after Emmy's nap Nana and Papa brought her there to see us all again and for Katherine to see how we all are with her. I think she felt good about it.... I think she was starting to feel peace over her. I could look into her eyes and read her mind.... I knew there would be deep pain... but I also knew she trusted me and felt good about the decission she made.

What a joyous time for us all. For Katherine it was bitter sweet... kinda for me too.... but once that focus was gone and I took Emmy home... it was the happiest day in my life. Nothing will ever top that.... nothing. I love that child so much... and now.. as of today... I feel like I gave birth to her. Of course never forgetting who really did.... I finally feel like a mommy. I cannot beleive this beautiful 22 yr old girl gave me the chance to be a parent..... she has to feel good inside about that! She has texted me and written me... checking on her to see how she is. I send pictures and we laugh at all the neat things that she does. After all her and I are the mom... and we get a kick over every move this child makes. It's kinda neat sharing stories about our daughters advances in her new life.... it's nice having her to talk to. I hope this continues...after all this isn't about me.. or Katherine.. it is about Journey (Emmy) and growing up feeling good about all of us too!.... she is one lucky baby girl!

(during her nap while we were eating.... The MCH served us with papers that we were no longer foster parents.... LOL.. of all the irony... that was GREATNESS!)

OH GOSH... this is it.. tomorrow is the day....

I am sooo sick to my stomach... I feel like I am going to the bathroom soon and not sure which end it is going to come out of because I am soooo stressed about tomorrow that it will go smooth. It has messed my entire system up. sigh...( I just took the biggest sigh ever...)

We are soo used to things going wrong so what is happening is I am getting sick as ever with worry... frantic panicing that we won't get her! sigh... another long sigh.... I should have taken off work today too!

I have to stop typing as I am so sick with fear!

Love is thicker than water....

Who says blood is thicker than water.... I think love is thicker than water. You do not have to have the same blood to love unconditionally. You do not have to have the same blood to be family.. so why wouldn't it be, "love is thicker than water"! Well, that is how I am going to be anyway. Not only am I gaining a Daughter with the rights of parenthood... I also gain a sister/friend. I feel like I wish she was my daughter.... but she is an adult.. and has been a friend to me in a way that no one else ever can. She is giving David and I the gift of love, parenthood, and so much joy that a person could every want. She is giving us her heart and for this I am gratful. But she isn't losing out... I know it seems that way... and I could never know what she is feeling inside, but she will get to see her baby girl whenever she wants, she will have full contact to know how each day and night is if she would like. She will get pictures and be able to see the happiness her daughter will always have in her life. She has given us a gift like no one else can or will. She is my angel... and I have said that from the beginning. I took a big risk... a large chance in order to make J's life better. I did it for her, me and her Mom. Everyone told me it wouldn't work,,, I shouldn't have done this, I was making a big mistake. But I knew better. I followed my gut. I took that risk that a lot of people would never do. And I am glad I did because it has proven to be a risk worth taking. I am so lucky to have a birth mom in my life that I love as family, enjoy like a sister and get to talk to every day. I am one of the lucky ones. I think she is lucky to have us too. No one next to her can take care of her daughter like we will and have. It's an amazing miracle that has proven true to the statement, good things come to those that wait. But it was a rough wait... a long road, a terrible, fun, exciting, scary, aweful, blessed and wonderful Journey.

Dear God:

Please give me the strength to get through the next week and 1/2 and please do what is right for baby J and see that she is put where she is meant to be. Give the Mom the strength to make the right decission for this child. Give David and I the strength to make it through what could be a very tough time. And show us the way as we try to make sense of everything to come.