OKAY!

I should have written sooner... although I have been a very busy "new" Mommy! YES.... after all the heart wrenching years, FINALLY a Mommy at last! It has been a roller coaster(this time a good worth while one!) Okay let me start off from where I left off.

On Tuesday April 13th we met Katherine AKA Tummy Mommy at the attorney's office. Little did she know we were watching out the window as my friend Felicia drove and parked in the parking lot at the attorney's office. All we saw was Felicia coming around to the other side, jumped in and was obviously holding Katherine. It was hard for her.... and I am actually glad it was because if it weren't then I would know she didn't care about Emmy. I wanted to always know she had a heart and was a good person. That she cared so much for Emmy that she had to let her go to have a better life. I knew for many other reasons how extra hard this was on her. I wasn't like other's.... my main concern was Katherine. I wanted her to feel safe and secure about this. If she didn't... I wanted her to take Emmy and try for a good life with her. Although I knew deep in my heart that wasn't going to be. I went outside the attorney's office and waiting for her to come up the elevator with Journey (AKA EMMY). I wanted to make sure she was sure about this before she met Nana and Papa and before even seeing the inside of the attorney's office. THANK GOD the attorneys office was very nice and the two attorney's one of which was Aunt Melanie's good friend and someone I knew well, but Kristy was so sweet and down to earth. She had a good heart, not like what you would normally think about an attorney's office. aunt Kristi was there taking beautiful pictures of the whole thing... being careful not to overwhelm Katherine...she did a superb job of it all. Taking the most delicarte pictures of such an emotional day. Katherine came around the corner and I just hugged her. At that moment I wanted to adopt her too! I wish we were so rich we could have. Even though I knew it would be somewhat of a risk. I love that girl and I really hope she stays involved somehow in Emmy's life. I know it is hard for her. It isn't for me. I have no jealous or greedy feelings about it. I am Mommy and she is Tummy Mommy. Basically she has two Mommy's and I will never to anything to change that. Only Katherine can change that within Emmy, it isn't my business or place to stand in the way, nor would I ever want to.

We went inside... I asked family to step out along with David and I. I wanted Katherine to hear all the negative in doing this. That there will be no written statement that it is an open adoption. that once she signs her rights away, it is forever. All of the harsh words came down on her like being locked away forever. I knew this would be tough once she heard it soberly, and bluntly from the attorney's lips. I wanted her to do what she felt... not what she thought "we" wanted. So we waited patiently. The attorney (Kristy) left the room and we let Katherine and Felicia talk it through so that Katherine understood the meaning of this. Letting go of her rights forever. Later Katherine came out and handed Emmy to me and said " I want you to be the Mother of Journey and raise her". My heart fluttered with sadness for her and my heart broke inside as well. This isn't about me... this is about Journey...Emmy.... having a good life... but her Mom letting her go because she loved her so much. Bless Katherine... she didn't know if we were lying to her that we would always stay in touch... and were just going to run off for her to never hear about her again. She was so brave. She did such a selfless thing and let her go to a better home and give her a life that she couldnt give her. It was touching ... sad and happiness rolled into one. I put the happiness in the back of my heart and focused on Katherine. That was my main focus and all of my worries! I loved her like a daughter after all the prior communication and support her and I gave each other. (through this Journey). It was a happy time... and a very hard time for Katherine. It just tore out my heart... I cried with her. Once the papers were notorized... we hugged each other with everyone watching. I held her sooo tight. I literally wanted to pick her up and rock her in my arms. She held Journey so tight. Gave her to David and we held each other more. I LOVE her with every part of me. She is so strong and I look up to her for that. If ANYONE would ever say anything about her in a negative way I would lash into them. THAT will be forever! She is family... and now legally! :o)

deep breath.... we walked out and of course hugged some more and then we all went to lunch at Mi Cocina. Except Emmy... Nana, Papa, and Daddy. Yea... Daddy and Mommy is what we are now... (proudly) I got the baby I wanted from the minute I sat eyes on her. I fell in love with her so fast it would make your head spin. I loved her from head to toe as if she was meant for me fomr day one...... (the christmas party)

We went to the restaurant and it was a little tense. Not in a bad way but I think we were all so exhausted emotionally. We all had a margarita and relaxed ..."some". Aunt Jenifer wanted to meet her so we stayed until she could get there with Braden and Hunter. She was so excited to meet Katherine. Later after Emmy's nap Nana and Papa brought her there to see us all again and for Katherine to see how we all are with her. I think she felt good about it.... I think she was starting to feel peace over her. I could look into her eyes and read her mind.... I knew there would be deep pain... but I also knew she trusted me and felt good about the decission she made.

What a joyous time for us all. For Katherine it was bitter sweet... kinda for me too.... but once that focus was gone and I took Emmy home... it was the happiest day in my life. Nothing will ever top that.... nothing. I love that child so much... and now.. as of today... I feel like I gave birth to her. Of course never forgetting who really did.... I finally feel like a mommy. I cannot beleive this beautiful 22 yr old girl gave me the chance to be a parent..... she has to feel good inside about that! She has texted me and written me... checking on her to see how she is. I send pictures and we laugh at all the neat things that she does. After all her and I are the mom... and we get a kick over every move this child makes. It's kinda neat sharing stories about our daughters advances in her new life.... it's nice having her to talk to. I hope this continues...after all this isn't about me.. or Katherine.. it is about Journey (Emmy) and growing up feeling good about all of us too!.... she is one lucky baby girl!

(during her nap while we were eating.... The MCH served us with papers that we were no longer foster parents.... LOL.. of all the irony... that was GREATNESS!)